Update, Life and Work.

I am still alive, I have been dwelling in my inner cupboard for the last couple of weeks on a crazed poetry binge which I feel is slowly coming to an end.  I am, sadly, finding it hard going as my ego gets in the way and constantly wants patting, constantly wants validation that I can write and be respected for it.  I am sure there is an off switch, but I’ll be buggered if I can find the switch that says ‘Don’t Give a F..k What People Say’.

Would be nice to though.

I have finally finished my screencasts at work, so now if the final phase of fiddling and tweaking.  I have just about got to grips with the whole CoFHE migration thing and feeling a lot better about the process, as it doesn’t mean too much work after all.  I am still worrying about money, but this is something that I doublt I’ll stop worrying about for a while.

And finally I am now thinking that the world might be better off without…

Root vegetables, apart from Carrots.

Website or not….that is the question.

Do I have a website? Or, do I stay with my trusty blog?… The dilemma is something that I have just realised, and now, I will devote excessive amounts of time to thinking about this issue with little conclusion apart from a headache and flack from my wife for not being able to do the chores well enough as I am ‘preoccupied’. So, in an attempt to ensure this doesn’t happen, I am going to think ‘outloud’.

Hmm, I need tea. Think think think. Facebook is a waste of time…who’s she? Did I add her? Why does he keep updating his status? Who cares? hmmm.

Why might I need a website? If I am going to do the whole ‘take me seriously as a poet’ thing, then I guess it’s a good idea. A few bits of poetry, a book title and a couple of reading dates would look good. However, am I being presumptuous, thinking people would want to read what I have to say? Or write? I don’t really know, and saying that, how do you ‘make it big’ as a poet? Apart from being gifted with the ability of verse and writing, you have to have a unique voice and that is something I have been really searching for, for how many years I can’t quite work out but it’s been a while.

Not really sure what the answer is to this apart from lots of readings and lots of promotion. It’d be good to have a pamphlet or something that people can read and that I can promote a bit. Hmmm. More thought processes are needed, so I’ll go and finish cleaning the pigs.

The World has truly gone mad.

I am sat here trying to encapsulate, in a blog post, how f**ked up the last week has been.  I haven’t resorted to drink, and I haven’t developed a drug habit either.  But I am still in one or two pieces, so I am seeing that as a minor victory.
I think the catalyst has been the car.  First the indicators die, go to garage and they fix it.  Drive car away, indicators die again. Take back to garage, they spend 4 hours and charge me £150 quid for the privelege.  Then the back tail lights, back wiper and intrument lights don’t work, which I found about last night.  The whole thing is an amazingly constructed ‘bad joke’, because I am sure there is some smug fucker pointing at me and laughing.
Add to it an enlightening and inevitable discussion with Laura about the dire state of our marriage, and then a sheer wall of anger from her after I didn’t clean something or other which didn’t help either.

So tonight I am camped out in Bradninch whilst Laura does something with her friends.  I texted Polly to see if she wanted to go for a drink, but she wasn’t in a fit state after getting very drunk last night and losing all sense of direction and waking up hugging a hobo. Ah haa, I am joking.

I am not sure what the future will bring, but I feel in my bones that there are great changes afoot.

Anyway.  I bought a cheap tent last night and a sleeping bag, so I am going to trek across the UK and live as a wandering bard with my Ukulele and my craft of the Engerlish language.