I am sat in Laura’s parents office, typing on their state of the art, widescreen monster of a computer that Tom built for them, and thinking hmmm how nice it would be to have one. I would build one myself, but then I am not incredibly technically minded, and would put the wrong thing in the wrong socket and blow everything up.
So lets start with the wedding. I thought it was excellent, everyone turned up and gave us lots of presents, lots of people were smiling and enjoying themselves. Laura however spent most of the night dealing with people’s problems, one of the bridesmaids turned in to a Chunder Wunder over Tom’s bed, the hotel made multiple cockups, family members disgraced themselves and half the photos that she wanted taken were not.
The aftermath of the wedding was a feeling that after three years of planning, tens of thousands spent, it was generally an anti climax. Personally, I can see why she thinks this way as there were many things that just didn’t go to plan. Although it was a ‘positive disaster’ with my old friend David buying us a honeymoon (one of the single most kind things anyone has done for me, apart from the immense generosity that Gill and Bob have shown over the last few years), there were things that she wanted to happen, but didn’t. Memory candle, photos of candle, guests going AWOL at important parts of the reception etc.
But then, what sort of wedding woud it have been if it all went to plan?
Two days before, this, we moved in to our new house. Yes, two days.
The 30th November was the date that we had set as our moving day. Notice handed in, fees paid, and then a phone call. Despite us saying you can move in, you can’t. Three weeks before something had burst and flooded the house, the carpet hadn’t been put down but the ceiling had to be replaced and most of the kitchen rebuilt.
I remember going and signing the contracts, and coming outside and breaking down with frustration. Frustration at dealing with various parties over the previous few months, rushing through the mortgage, getting things sorted and then just hitting a brick wall.
Gill stepped in and took over much of the organising, and without her I don’t know what we would have done.
After moving our belongings out, using the worlds worst removal men (1st Call Removals 0800-389 3703, subscribe them to gay porn websites please) we gave our kitties to a cattery and lived in Bradninch for two weeks.
Then come the 10th December, the day that we are meant to move in, a week before the wedding, we get there and lo behold there are no carpets. We can’t move in because there are no carpets. (Carpet fitting was part of the deal). So back we go, and after heated angry phone calls all we get is a vase of flowers and alot of apologising.
Then, to add insult to injury, our solicitor decides to send important paperwork to our old address and kindly reminds me in an email that we need to pay him £388 quid for rent and service charges. Of course no one tells us this gem of information.
I am preparing a letter of complaint to our MP, and I will instigate proceedings for a formal complaint to the housing association. Legally we haven’t got much comeback but the swords are drawn, so to speak.
This year is hopefully going to see a few things. Firstly I am going to pursue an artistic vision and paint, living off the land and sustaining myself by selling my artwork. The fact I can’t really paint doesn’t faze me in the slightest as I am sure most artists can’t paint properly.
Secondly I am going to lose weight, I have got very fat recently and none of my trousers seem to fit.
Thirdly I am most probably going to get another job.
